By Laura Snyder for Central Iowa Press
My husband has the blues. Well, no, he's not depressed, unless you define depressed as "wanting something you don't have." If that were my definition, I'd have to say that he's been depressed since the day he was born.
He is an ambitious man, so always wanting something he doesn't have comes with the territory.
This week, however, he has the "blues". He wants a Blu-Ray player and a Blue-Tooth headset. Both of which he will certainly receive at the first sign of a blue moon.
The Blu-Ray player is non-essential in my eyes because we've got a hi-def TV with a huge selection of movie channels, Netflix and Hulu which should satisfy even the most craven movie addict. Blu-Ray is only for movies you might not be able to acquire using any of the multiple pathways we already have.
Besides, a Blu-Ray player would require me to learn a whole new set of buttons to push on the remote. Not worth it.
Not only that, but, on principle, I would avoid buying anything that was made by a manufacturer that couldn't spell something they should have learned in first grade. It's Blue, not Blu. I can only assume that if the manufacturer cannot spell the word correctly, either the CEO never passed first grade, or it's made in a non-English-speaking country, or they believe the rest of the world can only read phonetically. Why would anyone buy anything from such a pompous individual?
How is the next generation of children going to learn to spell correctly if prominent corporations continue to butcher their own names?
As for the Blue-Tooth headset (one wonders where this name came from, but at least it is spelled correctly), my husband has owned three of them already and each one has found its way into a full cup of coffee. So until they invent a Blue-Tooth headset that is either bigger than the mouth of a coffee cup or is repelled by, or impervious to, coffee, I figure it's easier to simply take our money and flush it down the nearest toilet.
If my husband is "blue", so am I, but not so much in a materialistic sense. I love Elvis Blue Suede Shoes and Blue Hawaii. I have a special affinity for blue skies and my son's blue eyes.
I remember when the "man in blue" used to be the "long arm of the law." My youngest boy wants to be a policeman just so he can drive a cool blue car.
There was a time when laundry detergent was fortified "with bluing for extra whitening." I always wondered why you would use something blue to get something white. It's kind of like taking a bath in a mud puddle, isn't it?
As "blue" as I am, if we were talking about red states and blue states, I would have no problem tossing that conversation into the deep blue sea.
Why is blue used when describing both blue blood and blue collar? Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? And why isn't bluegrass or blue cheese actually blue?
Then there are all the living blues that I love: bluebells, bluebirds, blue blossom, bluebonnets, blue fox, blue heron, blue spruce, bluegill and blue jay. Notice that not one of these natural items had the audacity to be spelled wrong.
Have you also noticed that if you look at the word blue for a while, your eyes begin to cross and it starts to look as if is spelled wrong? Where else in the English language do you find a "u" and an "e" side by side in the same word?
I told myself that I could give myself a blue ribbon if I could blue pencil this column to accommodate every blue word in the dictionary. I have been typing a blue streak, but I forgot blue print, blue plate and blue whale. Now I'm in a blue funk.
So, I'm going to find my favorite pair of blue jeans, scarf down a blueberry muffin, and watch Blue Hawaii on a DVD player that is most definitely not Blu-Ray. I'm blue, but not that blue!